operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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