So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
