Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
