He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
