8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
