it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
