The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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