I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
