Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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