This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
