Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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