4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
