the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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