he wants to bone in the snuggie
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
