I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
