Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
