WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
