She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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