im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
