I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
