it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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