when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we're making bets on your personal life
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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