so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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