I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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