Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
