I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
