Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am available for nakedness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
