You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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