It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
