I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
