Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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