I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
