You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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