Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
