The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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