i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
