fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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