Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I AM VODKA MAN
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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