man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
