Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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