My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
