it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
