I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
