It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
