Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
