Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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