Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
