Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
