I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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