Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
