I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
