I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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