dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
